Shrek (1)

One upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort

Which could only be broken by love’s first kiss? She was locked away in a castle…Guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison

But none prevailed. She waited in dragon’s keep…In the highest room of the tallest tower…For her true love and true love’s first kiss. Like that’s ever gonna happen. What a load of

(1:30) somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me

I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed

She was look in kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb

In the shape of an “L” on her forehead

The years start coming and they don’t stop coming

Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running

Didn’t make sense, not to live for fun

Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do so much to see

So what’s wrong with taking the backstreets

You’ll never know if you don’t go

You never shine if never glow

Hey. Now you’re an all-star

Get your game on, go play

Hey. Now, you’re a rock star. Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shooting stars break the mold

It’s a cool place and they say it gets colder

You’re bundled up now but wait till you get older

But the meteor men beg to differ

Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin

The water’s getting warm so you might as well swim

My worlds on fire, how about yours

That’s the way I like it and I’ll never get bored

Hey. Now, you’re an all star

Get your game on. Go play

Hey. Now, you’re a rock star. Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold   (belches!)   -GO! –GO!

Hey. Now you’re an all-star

Get your game on. Go play

Hey. Now, you’re a rock star. Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shooting stars break the mold(3:30)

Think it’s in there?- all right. Let’s get it!

Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?

Yeah. It’ll grind your bones for it’s bread.

Yes, well, actually. That would be a giant.

Now. Ogres—they’re much worse.

They’ll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.

-no! They’ll shave your liver.

Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!

Actually. It’s quite good on toast. Back! Back. Beast!!

 Back! I warn ya! {gasping} – Right.

This is the part where you run away(4:30).  And stay out!

 Wanted. Fairy tale creatures.

All right. This one’s full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! – Next!

Give me that, your flying days are over. That’s 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!

Get up! Come on! Twenty pieces

Sit down there! Keep quiet! This cage is too small. Please don’t turn me in. I’ll never be stubborn again. I can change. Pleas! Give me another chance!

Oh. Shut up. Oh! Next! What have you got? This little wooden puppet.

I’m not a puppet. I’m a real boy.(5:30) Five shillings for the possessed toy.

Take it away. Father. Please! Don’t let them do this! Help me!

Next. What have you got? Well. I’ve got a talking donkey. Right. Well. That’s good for ten shillings. If you can prove it. Oh . go ahead. Little fella. Well? Oh. Oh. He’s just---he’s just a little nervous. He’s really a chatter box. Talk. You boneheaded dolt --

That’s it. I’ve heard enough.  Guards!- No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk.

I’m the talkingest damn thing you never saw. Get her out of my sight. No, no!

I swear! Oh! He can talk! Hey! I can fly! He can fly! He can fly! He can talk! Ha. Ha! That’s right. Fool! Now I’m a flying talking donkey. You might have seen a house fly.(6:30) Maybe even a superfly.

But I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly. Ha. Ha. Uh-oh. Seize him! After him! He’s getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! You there. Ogre! I? by the order of Lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under arrest…and transport you to a designated…resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army?

(7:32)Can I say something to you? Listen. You was really. Really something back there. Incredible! Are you talking to me? Whoa! Yes I was talking to you. Can I tell you that you was a great back there? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up. And bam! They was tripping over themselves  like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.. oh, that’s great. Really. Man. It’s good to be free. Now. Why don’t you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? But. Uh. I don’t have any friends. And I’m not going out there by myself.  Hey wait a minute! I got a great idea! I’ll stick with you. You’re a mean. Green. Fighting machine. Together we’ll scare the spit out of any body that crosses us. That was really scary. If you don’t mind me saying: if that don’t work. Your breath certainly will get the job done. Cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something. Cause your breath stinks!(8:30) You almost burned the hair outta my nose.

Just like the time---then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. Why are you following me? I’ll tell you why.

Cause I’m all alone.  There is no one here beside me. My problems have all gone. There is no one to deride me. But you  gotta have friends---

stop saying! It’s no wonder you don’t have any friends. Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. Listen. Little donkey take a look at me. What am I? really tall? No! I’m an ogre. You know. Grab your torch and pitchforks.  Doesn’t that bother you? Nope.(9:30) Really? Really. Really. Oh. Man. I like you. What’s your name? uh. Shrek. Shrek? Well. You know what I like about you. Shrek? You got that kind of

 I –don’t-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.

I like that. I respect that. Shrek. You all right.. 

Whoo! Look at that. Who’d want to live in a place like that? That would be my home. ( 10:00)