Test for Idiocy

 
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....

Ready? GO!!!

First Question:

Fluent English

How good we are

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits.

The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation: The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn? The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn."

"Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now." replied boy. The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.

The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach, Florida." Again the woman answered in the negative.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all, walked over to the boy and said,
"Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."

The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"

Hans Christian Andersen

Hans Christian Andersen (1805-1875), Danish author, whose fairy tales have been translated into more than 80 languages and have inspired plays, ballets, films, and works of sculpture and painting. Born in Odense, he suffered from poverty and neglect during his childhood, and when he was 14 years of age he ran away to Copenhagen. There he worked for Jonas Collin, director of the Royal Theater, until Collin raised money to provide him with an education.

Andersen had poetry and prose published and plays produced beginning in 1822. His first success was “A Walk from Holmen's Canal to the East Point of the Island of Amager in the Years 1828 and 1829” (1829), a fantastic tale imitative of the style of German writer E.T.A. Hoffmann. Andersen's first novel, The Improviser (1835; translated 1845), was well received by critics, and his first book of fairy tales was published the same year. Andersen traveled extensively in Europe, Asia, and Africa and continued to write novels, plays, and travel books, but it was his more than 150 stories for children that established him as one of the great figures of world literature. Andersen's tales of fantasy, which include “The Ugly Duckling” (1843), “The Emperor's New Clothes” (1837), “The Snow Queen” (1844), “The Red Shoes” (1845), and “The Little Mermaid” (1837), were innovative in their handling of sophisticated feelings and ideas and in their use of the vocabulary and constructions of spoken language.

Quotations:

Bertie Valentine.

Hello this is Natasha and Im dropping by to tell you the true storynory of Prince Bertie the Frogs Valentines Day.

Have you heard about Valentines Day

Its a very special day. Every year on the 14th of February you send cards to people you love and care about.

And if there is someone you have been secretly admiring you can send them a card and not say who it is from.

That sounds terribly mysterious and exciting.

لطفا جهت دانلود فایل صوتی و خواندن بقیه داستان روی ادامه متن کلیک فرمایید.

All Depends On Your Perspective - (Thanks To David Joyce For Sharing This With Us.)

A professor stood before her Philosophy 101 class and had some items in front of her. When the class began, wordlessly, she picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

She then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. She shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. She then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.  Of course, the sand filled up everything else. She then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous - yes.

The professor then produced two cans of liquid chocolate from under the table and proceeded to pour the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things - - your family, your spouse, your health, your children, your friends, your favorite passions - - things that if everything
else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car." "The sand is everything else - - the small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first," she continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. "Take care of the golf balls first the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One student raised her hand and inquired what the chocolate represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for chocolate!"

ترجمه در ادامه مطلب

English words for crime and punishment

There are many words in English dealing with crime, the courts and punishment.

a - acquit / acquittal

acquit = to decide that someone is not guilty of a crime: "All the defendants were acquitted."

b - barrister, bail

barrister = a lawyer who is trained to defend or prosecute in a court: "The barrister asked many difficult questions."

bail = a sum of money that can be paid in some situations to allow someone accused of a crime to stay out of prison before the court case: "He won't get bail - he's extremely violent."

c - court, custody, conviction, cross-examination

court = the place where a crime is discussed and judged: "He's in court again - this is the second time this year!"

a court case = what happens in a court: "This is an interesting court case, as many people are involved."

in custody = when the police keep someone in prison before the person goes to court: "He's being kept in custody until the trial begins."

custodial sentence = when someone is sent to prison for a crime: "Custodial sentences are getting shorter."

conviction = when someone is found guilty of a crime: "He had a string of convictions going back twenty years."

cross-examination = when what someone says is questioned by the barrister representing the other side: "Under cross-examination, her evidence showed some inconsistencies."

d - defend, defendant

to defend - to argue the innocence of the person who is accused of a crime (the defendant):"The barrister defending him is going to have a hard time."

A Large Hurdle, A Long Road

I first saw her in Spanish 3 in my junior year of high school. It was love at first sight. Custom dictated that it be love from afar, an unrequited love. Why? Her name was Margaret Donohue and mine is Marvin Goldstein. I had never gone out with a non-Jewish girl and my parents would kill me if I did. I had an uncle who'd married a Protestant in 1940 and the whole family was still talking about it. It was a "shunde" an embarrassment and shameful. This was 1962, but little had changed.

The teacher made a seating chart and I sat in the last seat in row two. Margaret, or Maggie, sat in the last seat in row one. It turned out that neither of us was as interested in Spanish as in joking and laughing. Often the teacher would raise her voice and point to the back of the room. "Marv and Maggie, pay attention." Marv and Maggie became a pair. When I got my driver's license, the first thing I did was borrow the car and go to Maggie's house. Her parents were both at work so we took a walk. Later we sat in her backyard, enjoying a beautiful day of Indian summer and she kissed me. I was excited by her brazen behavior, but quickly adjusted and kissed her back.

We began to date secretly. I would tell my parents I was going out with the guys and she'd tell hers she was going out with the girls. One night, bringing her home, her mother caught us. "Why are you sneaking around?" she asked her daughter sharply. "Isn't this young man good enough for me to meet? Or aren't I good enough?" The three of us went into the house and Mrs. Donohue explained she had no problem with Maggie dating me, after all we were just sixteen. It wasn't like we were going to get married some day. She did, however, object to the sneaking. The bottom line: Maggie and I could date as long as my parents knew about it.

The next night I told them about Maggie. Not unexpectedly, they were appalled and outraged. A Catholic! After what Christians had done to our people! Where did we go wrong? they asked each other. My father laid down the law: no Irish Catholic sluts for me. He took my car keys and went to his room in a rage, returning after a few moments to punch me in the face. My mother reminded me that he'd had a heart attack two years earlier and I must never mention the Catholic again.

Reading and Listening Are The Keys To Unconscious Communications

Many English learners believe that they must memorize all or most of the rules of English grammar in order to be able to speak it correctly. Some students and teachers even think that studying grammar is a “shortcut” or faster way to improve someone’s English. Unfortunately, this is usually not true, especially for speaking and listening. When you are speaking or listening, you usually don’t have time to stop and think about specific grammar rules consciously. If you did, you would have to speak…very…slowly…like…this! Most of what we use when we communicate is “unconscious”; that is, we use knowledge that we don’t have to think about or even know the rules for.

Here’s a very important point to understand: The best way to be able to use good grammar is to listen and to read English you can understand. Most native speakers of English can’t explain to you the rules of grammar, but they can speak and write English without any problems. How is this possible? Because they have listened and read a lot of English, and they “know” the rules unconsciously, without having to think about them. For you to get this same ability, you only need to listen and read as much as you can in English.

http://esl-advices.blogspot.com

On the house: مجانی، به حساب رستوران یا فروشنده

We had to pay for the food, but the drinks were on the house.

Know the ropes: فوت و فن را بلد بودن ، کار کشته بودن

Let john do the job, he knows the ropes.

Walk on air: از خوشحالی پرواز کردن ...

Mick was walking on air on his graduation day.

Save someone's neck: به داد کسی رسیدن

Thanks for not letting the boss fire me. You save my neck in time.

Make a mountain out of a molehill: از کاه کوه ساختن

Don't let such a trivial things bother you so much. You're just making a mountain out of a molehill.

Jump out of one's skin: از ترس زهره شدن

You really scared me. I nearly jumped out of my skin.

Twist one's arm: کسی را مجبور کردن

Daddy won't buy me the car unless I twist his arm.